Love Life, Hate Kittens

So why the lack of updates?

Because last Thursday I encountered the worst day ever.

Wednesday night I started burning up with the highest fever ever. Then luckily Thursday I had a doctor’s appt at 9:30. Thank god. This is when it spirals down to hell.

Thursday -

9:00 AM - My headlights were on in my car rendering my car dead.

9:15 AM - Lady promises to give us a jump but disappears

9:20 AM - In panic, I call my doctor and tell them that I will be late but I’m running a supremely high fever but I don’t mind being on standby until I am seen. The bitch TOTALLY denies me and tries to schedule me for next week. Fail.

9:45 AM - Car finally gets jumped but turns out I have to drive around aimlessly for 20 minutes to get the juices back running.

10 AM - 2:30 PM - Dies in sleep.

3:00 PM - Decides that it’s best to go to urgent care.

4:00 PM - Finally dragged myself to UC that’s luckily 5 minutes away. Gets told that urgent care starts at 5:30. WTF WTF WTF WTF. [not to mention she charged me a “after hours” urgent care fee for being “after hours” WTF]

5:30 PM - Sees dr. Gets punched in the side. Have kidney infection. Dies.

5:35 PM - Gets a ticket for my meter. Fail

5:45 - 7 PM - Driving home from Santa Monica to well…. Santa Monica. WTF. Traffic is horrid.

Seriously. I pride myself on being a really lucky girl. Super lucky. Living the best life ever but really? If I believed in karma, I must have ran over someone’s fucking hamster.

[dedicated to D for coddling the sick girl with a tangerine and internet access. I haven’t checked my email in days. Yes the inbox is at 231 right now.]

PS - Thanks for all the concerned texts and emails cuz apparently news DOES go around :-/

WTF. 

While it looks 100 times better on print, I was highly distracted by Michelle’s dress during the family gathering prior the speech. It looked very emo/goth/period blood. Not a good look. Stylist? Fail.

Remember the chick that was going to sell her “virginity” on Howard Stern? Well turns out we have a buyer. Multiple buyers ranging from 1 million bucks to 3.8. Whoa. Say whaaaat?! 

This is completely unreal. I’ve been whoring out for free for so many years, my vagina just went on strike.

Here’s a clip of one of the potential bidders on Tyra. I wish I could say I wouldn’t do it. But I’d be lying.

Britney. I’m your biggest fan. But really? 

Happy Halloween w/Christina Milian! What do i wear?!?!?

I’m sorry for trying to sell this to y’all. Upon further inspection and this horrendous video, I conclude that I will burn it. I kept it for roleplay reasons but I don’t fuck children.

thanks Rick for sending me this horrorfest. 

So this girl [referenced in this post] is a complete psycho and really a solid 4 on a good day. Brings me to my rant of the day: Why do girls similar to her and fat girls with ugly personalities have over inflated egos? 

Because of the men that feed into their delusions. 

Have you ever seen a guy try to holler at a whale at the mall? He feeds her the world. Telling her how pretty she is and how much he’d like to hit. The more attention that is given to her, she starts believing it. She’s starts carrying herself like a 10. Where does she get off having a bitchy girl’s attitude? Because she was led to believe that she was just as high of commodity as Megan Fox. 

Come on. When will we learn that 85% of guys have no standards. He will holler at Tila Tequila and holler at Hayden Pantierre the same. Different package but pussy all the same. Guys will say anything to get in your pants. That’s why I never understood how girls can be conceited. You feel like you’re hot cuz some dude hollered at you at the mall? Turn around. He’s hollering at the next marginally attractive girl that makes eye contact.  

And guys. Please stop. You are creating a bitch that is undeserving of being a bitch.

Whoa. but back to my rant, this girl is insane! They are supposedly getting back together and while I am happy that he is out of his moody state, bitch better check herself. Where does she get off making “house rules” and stuff? Seriously. How can he let a fatty OLD club rat tell him how to run HIS apartment? Don’t you have someplace to go. like to feel like the non celebrity that you are? She’s supposedly ticked off at the things I wear around the apartment when I’m visiting his roommate. I know right? Spandex wearing hoochie wants to tell me what I can wear. The audacity. I mean, she dresses like a persian hooker. You know the “cotton/spandex” dresses with the banded bottom. OK. Take that back to 2002 bitch.

Oh you want to tell me something? Let me tell YOU something. The table you’re eating at? Not yours. The chips you’re eating? Not yours. The clean kitchen you want to cook in? Yea….not cleaned by you. I swear, next time she grabs a water. I’m going to walk over there politely and smack her with a bottle.

God kill me. 

Ewwwwww. 

I just heard some news about certain people that just made me lose my lunch.

I’m thoroughly disgusted biatch. Quit telling me stuff I don’t wanna know.

I feel sooooo freaking cheated. Have you ever been dicked over by your apartment?

In an article by E-Mancipate we are faced with the question - “Why do men wear pantyhose?” Let’s be real here. Their number one answer was “It just happens”.

They say: “So the first time wearing - it just happens. Maybe she makes him try it on a cold, wet autumn day; or maybe he tries it himself for skiing or for some other winter sport, or for cycling or running. Or perhaps a doc recommended that he wear compression hose and he wanted to try something thinner.”

Oh really? That’s the best you’ve got? So I fell into some vagina yesterday and I started licking because I was… uh…hungry. It just “happened”.

:-/

“just wanted2send u a pic so u can have sweetie ..n wanted2wish u luck with ur new job - best of luck beautiful. C u 4sushi tomm.,k take care qt :-P”

*dies*.

OK so I met a guy last night. He’s kinda forward. Kinda …. psycho? I don’t know if I’m entirely comfortable with this. I just got off the phone with him and it’s wrecking my nerves. He keeps emphasizing that it’s ok if we’re friends and he hopes we hit it off and he’ll give me “free massages”. WTF right? 

But I should really give him the benefit of doubt right? He’s from NY so he talks fast. Maybe he’s not accustomed to how we roll out here. Ick. Am I making excuses for him? 

him: I mean, you gave me your number so you must be attracted to me. it’s not like you give any bum on the street your number.

me: [well actually……] you’re right.

We’re going to lunch or in his words “a walk” tomorrow.

I shall keep y’all updated. if i’m still alive.