Love Life, Hate Kittens

Double Sex Change Marriage. Oh CA would blow its mind.

Hello China. You have tickled my fancy once again. First it was the ‘concubine talent show’ that resulted in death and now this. I’m impressed.

Via China Daily -

“A pair of young lovers in Yichang, Hubei province, plan to get several operations to change their gender and then marry each other.

The woman wants to become a man while the man wants to become a woman. The two, both 23, fell in love a year ago.

The woman said she looked like a boy when she was a kid while the man said his character is calm like a woman.

The hospital said surgeries for the pair to change genders would be completed in two years.

(Chutian Metropolis Daily)”

I seriously hope they adopt. And you thought explaining two daddys to little Timmy was tough.

PS: Bwaha. I tried to google image ‘butch women’ and it returned pictures of Kimora Lee Simmons. Ouch.

I must warn you. NSFW. I swear. Don’t get yourself fired.

This guy has two penises. Yes. Two. Functioning. Please someone by the love of god disprove this.

UPDATE: My good friend Jiaming [hi!] says: “its fake.  u can tell the 2nd dick is made from plastic”

Nope. not gay at all.

OK So I wrote this letter 9/20/2006. and guess what?!

Tyra Banks decided that after 12 cycles of ANTM, the next cycle of America’s Next Top Model will include 5’7” models and under. 12 cycles of tall girls only, she wants to pull this shit. ORLY?!

Yes it’s a major stretch but I feel like I deserve a litttttle credit :P

Come on this was way 2006. I was an angry little asian girl.

Dammit. And the Chinese lose again.

via Times UK

After one of my people’s killed themselves with a cell phone this past lovely weekend. The chinese daily news has felt compelled to warn the public.

How to avoid mobile phone explosions:

- Always use original batteries. Be sure that batteries by the manufacturer are meant for your mobile phone.

- Never modify your phone

- Always use original battery chargers

- Do not expose your mobile phone to high temperatures, and avoid exposing it to direct sunlight

- Avoid long phone conversations

- Do not make or answer calls when the phone is charging

- Try to keep your phone in a bag instead of in a pocket

- Do not use damaged batteries

I mean, sometimes I feel embarrased for people that die odd deaths. Cuz you know one jerk [most likely me] will bust up during the funeral or even worse, fake a cell phone explosion.

I’m not late. My reactions just are. And this is just wrong.

OK by now I’m sure we’ve all heard of Natalie Dylan and her quest to sell her virginity. Fine. That’s all fine and dandy but OMGLOLZWTF. Why did it go for 3.7 million bucks? I mean, come on now. I’ll put a plastic baggie of ketchup and corn syrup in my cooch and I’ll charge you 50 thou and maybe some jewelry. We can play this all day god dammit.

Hey now. Don’t call her a whore. I bet we all sold ours for some curly fries in high school. or umm. for love.

What a rip off.  

400 people hijack a train station to dance. Hmmm.

sounds way more impressive than it looks. courtesy of t-mobile + youtube.

Calling them “sea kittens” makes me hungry. Good job PETA.

PETA is on another obscure mission to save the stupid animals of this world and their brilliant plan was to call “fish” “sea kittens” from now on because apparently people think kittens are too cute for eating[?] and they are trying to create the same image for fish. ORLY.

I wonder if it deters sharks from eating them too. Creepy.

I can’t believe two years can make such a difference. or facial hair.

I can’t believe the guy i’m lusting on from Gossip Girl is the SAME kid from Stick It and The Butterfly Effect.

Yes. I am aware these are 2007 easter cookies.

But I’m in a middle of a “ronnie never bakes” debate. 

Bake this biatch. 

[yes this is what i was manically searching for - see last post - plus old poetry]

Rosetta Stone: Selling Pipe Dreams one at a time

and by learning italian, it means grow a big cock and inherit an oil farm.

I hate cats. Now there’s one with two heads. God hates me.

[thank you geekologie for making me lose my lunch]

This spawns so many questions. Do both mouths need to eat? Will one head get jealous of the other head? Which way WILL IT WALK!??!?!? 

I can’t stop staring at the picture. It’s effin gross.

Not cute.

Vavelta: The New Botox - Thank you baby foreskin.

Thank you all you mothers that are donating your baby boy’s foreskin. Thanks to you cougars will have smoother skin, less fine lines, and skin as smooth as a baby’s penis. Literally.

Vavelta is the new drug of choice on the block. It’s more permanent than botox and supposedly way more effective. The foreskin cells are injected into the lower epidermis and after a couple months? Voila. Youthful skin is now yours.

[via NY Mag via DailyMail]

The Tranny Dude is Knocked Up. Again.

All you disgruntled - over 30 women out there. If a woman that has a ‘stache can get knocked up back to back you can too. 

Work it bitches.

Worst day ever in the best life ever.

So why the lack of updates?

Because last Thursday I encountered the worst day ever.

Wednesday night I started burning up with the highest fever ever. Then luckily Thursday I had a doctor’s appt at 9:30. Thank god. This is when it spirals down to hell.

Thursday -

9:00 AM - My headlights were on in my car rendering my car dead.

9:15 AM - Lady promises to give us a jump but disappears

9:20 AM - In panic, I call my doctor and tell them that I will be late but I’m running a supremely high fever but I don’t mind being on standby until I am seen. The bitch TOTALLY denies me and tries to schedule me for next week. Fail.

9:45 AM - Car finally gets jumped but turns out I have to drive around aimlessly for 20 minutes to get the juices back running.

10 AM - 2:30 PM - Dies in sleep.

3:00 PM - Decides that it’s best to go to urgent care.

4:00 PM - Finally dragged myself to UC that’s luckily 5 minutes away. Gets told that urgent care starts at 5:30. WTF WTF WTF WTF. [not to mention she charged me a “after hours” urgent care fee for being “after hours” WTF]

5:30 PM - Sees dr. Gets punched in the side. Have kidney infection. Dies.

5:35 PM - Gets a ticket for my meter. Fail

5:45 - 7 PM - Driving home from Santa Monica to well…. Santa Monica. WTF. Traffic is horrid.

Seriously. I pride myself on being a really lucky girl. Super lucky. Living the best life ever but really? If I believed in karma, I must have ran over someone’s fucking hamster.

[dedicated to D for coddling the sick girl with a tangerine and internet access. I haven’t checked my email in days. Yes the inbox is at 231 right now.]

PS - Thanks for all the concerned texts and emails cuz apparently news DOES go around :-/