Kathryn Bigelow’s The Hurt Locker takes a personal spin on your average war story. It’s not your heroic story about soldiers that want to come home but a personal journey of a man that wants to go back. and in the end back again.
War can be the biggest drug. It’s a headrush. It’s exciting. It’s reckless. In many ways, I understand. We’re constantly evolving sometimes even craving drama. Do you notice how motivated you get when something different happens in your life whether it be a job loss or a new conflict at work or a new person enters your life. We’re constantly looking for…something. Something to take us away. You get enveloped back into this mundane, average life. People tell you what you should care about - your family, peace, etc. But what if you’re in love with is the chase?
Jeremy Renner plays the cocky, thrillseeker, Sergeant William James. The one that defies the order. The one that you wonder - does he enjoy this? Sometimes you’ll hate him. Sometimes you’ll question his logic, his rationale, and his work ethic. Sometimes you’ll just feel sorry for him. At times you’ll feel sorry for his teammates - the ones that just want to go home alive. And there are unsettling moments where it clicks. You understand.
It’s the love of the game. Provide us with the chase and we’ll follow.
The Hurt Locker is currently showing in these cities: Los Angeles and New York. It will be wide released on July 2009.
Before you point out everything wrong with my planned night. Don’t tell me. I already know.
#1. Watching a movie at Universal Citywalk is equivalent to .. say getting herpes. I know.
#2. Going to a 10:30 IMAX Screening of Transformers 2 at 10:27 and expecting decent seating is retarded. I know.
#3. Expecting a good summer blockbuster. HEY now. I take complete offense to that.
I went in with zero expectations. I enjoy action movies. Hell, I LOVE Van Damme movies and you KNOW how retarded the plotlines are. I thought the first Transformers was kinda slow but enjoyable. I enjoy nice fun campy summer movies like Star Trek. So what went wrong?
I have never been so disgusted and sad after watching a movie. Not even Push which was equally retarded but at least I was pissed off and not sad. In fact, I felt like I got kissed by a dementor (Harry Potter reference. Look it up) and wanted to rock back and forth in a fetal position.
Usually I would summarize the plot but I can’t, so I’ll go Negative Nelly and point out everything that is wrong with the movie aside from the fact that they don’t know whether to gear this toward 10 year olds or 25 year olds.
Lame LOLS: A 20 minute sequence of Shia’s mom getting high off weed brownies? Another 20 minutes of the mom acting like a bimbo? Another 30 minutes about how his roommate is a wuss and a pussy? We get it. And really? Dogs humping? Megan Fox falling from the sky on someone’s crotch? “Hip” robots? “Old man” robot? WTF.
Dialogue: Why did they try and make every single line ‘epic’? Every three minutes Shia or someone else would say something corny and *cough* meaningful like, “THIS IS NOT MY WAR.” *cue slow mo shot* *cue rising orchestra music*.
Chemistry: Um. “NOOOO Shia don’t die!” “Oh son, we’ll never leave you!” It doesn’t matter if it was a Shia death scene or a Megan/Shia fight. It’s non believable. No one cared about each other in the movie. I didn’t believe the parents cared about Shia and I damn sure didn’t believe the romantic pairing between Shia and Megan.
WTFMoments: The afterlife “Elder Primes” scene? Oh really? Now God is a robot that have powers to grant life? And WTF at Isabel Lucas’s character. You have to send a teenage girl against Shia really? To seduce him? Why couldn’t she smashed on him in the car or just slice his head off. Jesus.
WTFAction: Sure. I can overlook plot holes. Who cares. But the action scenes? Way too close cropped! All I could see was screws swirling, lots of parts moving… why don’t you pan out and let us see the robots transforming or at least show us whose fighting who.
[my favorite scene in the movie - vampire baseball]
“About three things I was absolutely positive.
First, Edward was a vampire.
Second, there was a part of him, and I didn’t know how dominate that part might be, that thirsted for my blood.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”
- Bella Swan, Twilight
And that? Sums up the whole movie.
I admit. I avoided this Twilight phenomena at all cost. I mean, the book has been out for ages but I thought it was a competitor to Harry Potter and you guys know I love my Harry Potter (that sounds so pervy nasty btw).
Funny though, it’s a wonder that I haven’t found interest in Twilight sooner. It’s full of things I love: teenage angst (!), hot boys (!), and most importantly, it’s a nod to Romeo + Juliet, Chuck + Blair, and other heartbreaking couples. It’s a nod to the most basic instinct that we know — that true love DOES conquers all.
There is something so pure about falling in love with someone and wanting to be with them forever. As we get older, people tell us it’s wrong. We start believing that it’s wrong — that if we cannot justify why we love someone, then it must not be real. We look for tangible things — money, class, looks, smarts, etc. We look for these things to explain why we are falling in love. When it’s so simple, you just do. You don’t justify why you love tacos, why do we feel need to defend or explain our right to love someone (or thing. if youz freaky).
But bottom line, if you truly believe someone is your soul mate. You’ll do anything for them. Any issue is surmountable if you are willing. After all, Romeo swallowed poison. Bella is willing to become a vampire. Blair willing to lose and admitting her love for Chuck.
It’s a fun movie. It has love. It has LOLWTF moments. Rob Pattinson is fucking hot in action. The director is a spaz and uses horrible angles possibly because she didn’t know whether to film this as a love story or an action film. Awkward.
And the weird people that strangely hate Twilight? It’s for 12 year old girls. Even the gays don’t like it. Either enjoy it or delete it from your Netflix.
Oh silly Star Trek. Add hot men and women, an updated cast and every single person claims to be a Trekkie slash SciFi Nerd.
I have to confess. I’m vaguely aware that my dad used to watch Star Trek episodes on TV. Me? Never got into it. Never got into Star Wars for that matter. It’s one of those iconic movies that I have never watched like the Godfather, Usual Suspects, Scarface, etc.
But I have to admit, Star Trek was quite an entertaining movie! Yes, you need ZERO prior knowledge to enjoy it. Don’t worry. You won’t be boggled down by science/space terms…all you’ll care about is how effin’ hot Zachary Quinto is. And his first big movie role too. Awwwwww.
Since you can read the summary on wiki, there’s no need for me to rehash the plot. Watch the movie! You’ll have fun, or at least tickled by the homoerotic dialogue.
Highlights:
- The guy being a total douche and getting lit up during the ‘sky diving’ scene
- The retarded red snow monster. He ran like he had down syndrome
- JOHN CHO! Did you know that Ando from Heroes wanted to try out for the role?
- Speaking of John Cho, why did he get stuck with a YELLOW parachute? RACIST :D
- Spock!
- Zoe’s name sounded like a-Whore-ah.
- The midget time warp helper!
- The bromance between Spock and Kirk! The bromance between old Spock and Kirk!
What is it we wanna do? Now that I’m allowed to be alone with you Birthday Girl its your birthday Wherever you wanna go Now you are old enough to go and see the R-rated show now
Now I love all things gay and all things indie. but what kinda fuckery is this? Please do not let this become this year’s Juno.
Humpday (Directed by Lynn Shelton) is about two childhood friends who reunite after many years. One is in a boring marriage while the other…. Wait. Who cares. The premise of the movie is that these two guys like to make dares and one up each other as all men do. And one of them challenges the other to make a gay porno which is completely NOT gay of course because you know.. its just a dare.
ZOMG. STOP AND WTF.
I mean, dare the guy to go streaking. Fine. Dare him to grab that girl’s ass. OK. But what kinda fucking dare is this?
Anyway, if you’re into bromantic movies. Make a date with your best bud for this summer’s comedy release. Maybe dare him to hold hands while you’re at it.
Especially if we’re sitting in a completely empty theatre.
Can you believe it? I mean, Last House on the Left isn’t THAT old and it was a 7:40 showing at downtown Culver City. Anyways, thank our lucky stars and probably their’s cuz we were hella loud + annoying.
The ticket girl said “Are you sure you guys want to watch this? It’s really gruesome.” There was a warning that said sadistic scenes and brutal rape. Haha. I’m not a sick freak but I am not fazed.
Mind you, with all the gruesome talk and ‘sadistic’ ‘sick puppy’ comments, I expected the sadistic level of this film to be similar to SAW or Hostel or any ‘torture movie’. This isn’t. This actually reminds me of the movie Taken. It’s a ‘keeps it real’ revenge/redemption movie. Lesson to be learned? Don’t FUCK with someone’s kid. ‘
SPOILER WARNING
Basic plot. Naïve girl #1 borrows parent’s car to hang out with her friend. Parents are reluctant but let her go anyway. Girls run into boy. Boy is emo. They smoke pot in his motel room. His parent’s come back. They are actually criminals on the run. Of course they can’t let the girls go. Duh. They actually ummm don’t really have a plan. They drive the girl’s through the woods trying to find the stupid freeway. Girls fight back. Girls get hurt. It’s that simple. That was what distinguished this movie.
The ‘antagonists’ are not people that tie people up and sadistically cut their fingers off or any of that stupid movie crap. It’s pissed off killers that don’t want these girls to blow their cover. Sure he raped one of the girls but it wasn’t in a sick way. More like a god bitch stfu kind of way.
Anyway, the main girl manages to get away and tries to swim home. She gets shot. We are to presume she died. I mean, she got a beating, got raped, then got shot? She’s goner.
Meanwhile, the killer’s go to the nearest house for shelter which is ironically the girl’s parents home. They are really the only vacation home out in these woods. The parent’s help them out and even let them stay the night in their guest home. As the killers get settled into the home across the way, the kid makes her way back to the home half dead. The dad plots to get her to a hospital [it’s storming outside]. The Mom notices that the killer’s son left her kid’s necklace by the sink. She puts two + two together and realizes the people she housed are the sick fucks that did this to her daughter.
Dun dun dun.
Anyway, the mom kicks all sorts of ass while the dad kinda ….can’t fight.
I loved this movie. It was realistic on many levels. The killers weren’t over the top. They didn’t do shit for shits and giggles or to be ‘sadistic’. They did things because they had to, in a way. All they wanted to do was bounce town and their stupid son had to bring two giggly girls to their hideout to smoke pot. I mean, come on now.
All the characters are enjoyable. I thought it was casted really well. Points off though for the much unneeded hype for the rape scene. I seriously seen much worse.
so i was JUST informed that PUSH [see below] was directed by the director of one of my favorite movies, Lucky Number Slevin.
….
Paul McGuigan. Oh my.
Difference is - LNS was a highly stylized ‘ironic’ action movie. Much like Shoot ‘em up [clive owen] and the crappy Smokin’ Aces [Common, A.Keys].. Push tried to be deep and have a point which failed on all accounts.
^ wasted talent in the most ridic movie of the year. Review to come.
UPDATE:
I cannot bother to rehash the plot because there is a lack of one. If you want a good overall plot summary, please check on this wiki entry.
All I want to do is rant.
Major plot holes and flaws.
Chris Evans. This man cannot carry a movie. He’s like a poor man’s Paul Walker and THAT’S already a stretch.
Introduction of too many characters that were neither developed or used. The sniffer lady. She was given directions on how to carry out the final plan but this was neither elaborate nor shown. Uhh. Ok?
ZERO character development in their mains – Camilla Belle, CE, and Dakota Fanning.
Chris Evans BUTCHERING Cantonese but using English too. It’s like dude. If you’re gonna have him speak English to the chinese people, why not do it consistently? Why say two things in chinese but finish in English? WTF.
Two weak fight scenes. I’m ok with zero plot but come on, give us action?
Trying to be deep and complex. ZERO continuity. What was the point of stealing the suitcase? To trade it for DF’s mom? Oh ok. You’re going to walk into the highly secure containment camp and just trade this silly serum for her mom. No dude. Sounds like a plan.
Random and forced love scene between CB and CE. ZERO chemistry. She’s just not that into you.
No reasoning for the “villain”. Killing the “villain” when it’s been explicitly stated multiple times that this was a GOVERNMENT operation. So what? You killed the Secretary of Defense. Ooh wee. :-/
CE’s sudden ‘boost’ of power in the end fight scene. OK, we do know that this is the guy that can’t turn over a dice and can’t hold a gun steady right? I’m just saying.
The ‘plan’. So to avoid the ‘watchers’ [psychics] who can draw the future based on ‘intention’, CE’s brilliant plan was to blindly do things so that there will be no intention therefore the watcher cannot draw their intention? Confused much? So the watcher can’t draw your intention to have no intention? ZOMG.
“Universal Pictures is getting ready for a journey to Candy Land. The Hasbro game will get morphed into a feature film by Tropic Thunder scribe Etan Cohen, and will be directed by Kevin Lima, who most recently brought us Enchanted
who says:
“The tyke-friendly board game isn’t as obvious an inspiration for a movie project as those other Hasbro brands, but the studio has tapped talent adept at comedy and family fare.”“
To be quite honest, I’m plenty excited to see this movie. on shrooms.
So I was told that I’d believe in God after this movie and believe in the after life.
The only thing I gathered from this movie is that some movies should not be made.
The film starts out with a promising ominous opening. A lady is chopping up some bodies, killing kids, and drowning babies. Ok. I can get with this. Rolls title. Then it brought us back to present time and proceeded documentary style.
Ghost hunter, Carter Simms, is out on assignment to the Masterson House where those aforementioned murders took place. We don’t really get a good reason why the nephew guy is wanting her to investigate or what his ultimate goal is but I DO know that I’m confused about the going rate for ghost hunting. Carter was very easily moved by 5 thousand dollars. I mean, being a ‘world renowned’ ghost hunter and all.
He gives her a team - a whorish journalist and a videographer that’s a chain smoker. Fun. Ok before I proceed. Let me tell you that the preface to this movie was that this are ACTUAL events pulled from Carter’s journals. I mean, they made it a point to tell us this.
Pause.
So the scenes that Carter is not present at are completely embellished? Is that what I’m supposed to gather from this?
Anyway, they are also joined by this 20 year old psycho god girl, Mary Young, that will turn out completely unintentionally awesome but looks like she’s 34.
Your normal ‘creepy’ paranormal stuff happens - moving chairs, hearing voices, seeing shadows, scary children, the whole 9.
Carter reaches a revelation that the family was murdered by the mother which I’m sure we all figured out within the opening credits but whatevs. Then she reaches a weird notion that she can’t leave because she took money for this job and it’s like totally against the ghostbusters code.
You see how bored I am with this already? Anyway. On to the good part. The highlight of this movie is definitely psycho Mary Young. She peed on the whore’s clothes, makes racist statements, tries to feel up on the videographer, calls him a cocksucker, and is generally all around psycho but totally badass. After the three stooges realizes that she wasn’t supposed to be there, she gets kicked out of the house. Which prompts her to kill them all.
Oops.
So point is, Carter Simms was not killed by the Masterson house or any spirits. She was killed by your normal 20 year old with a shotgun and machete.
[Umm. And totally fake cuz how is this compiled from journal entries when Carter would have never had a chance to write this journal entry CUZ SHE’S DEAD. Show some continuity! FUCK! /ends rant]
This would be the appropriate time to roll credits but noooo…
After Mary Young kills everyone, we get a flashback to the Masterson mystery. Flashback that is another 20 effin minutes.
Daddy Masterson is a pervy priest that ‘punishes’ girls that are bad. He chains them up in the attic until they ‘admit’ to their sins. Kinky. One particular instance, he has to set a young girl name Miranda straight. However, she wouldn’t admit to being wrong so he ‘punishes’ her naughty bits for a good year and a half. Oh COME ON. She loves it :-/ Anyway, she gets knocked up. Mommy Masterson gets jealous and kills Daddy while they are engaged in some kinky jesus mask doggy style. She kills everyone else, puts the baby in the bathtub, and kills herself.
And what do you know. The baby is saved and is our lovely Mary Young who follows in step mommy’s footsteps. How cute.
Didn’t see thaaaat coming did you? [of course you did. I’m being a dick :-/]
k:
u mean prom night wasn't the pinnacle of horror?! I am aghast...
me:
shutup. it was ridiculously lame. although not cliche. cops makes it to girl's prom where the killer is killing. cop takes girl home. killer shows up at house. cop shoots killer. i expected there to be a twist or the guy pops up again. but then they just rolled credit :-/
k:
so i guess since the ending wasn't cliche, you kinda won out hahahaha... they should have made the killer a former prom queen runner-up who changed sexes after losing. and that would have been the killer twist.
But still. Come on America. If you’re going to remake something, please do it well.
You know what? On the second thought, don’t do it at all.
You can’t remake asian movies especially asian horror movies because there are references and subtle asian beliefs that do not cross over to American cultures. Asian movies are all about subtle expressions and the whole cinematic effect to evoke emotion. It’s the quiet silences or the lighting that express what the characters are feeling.
American films are all about loud. Action. Crying. Sex. Outward displays of emotion.
Let’s talk about The Departed. Decent movie if not a complete fucking rip off and bastardization.
Question. Why is this over the course of a year? You do realize that in Infernal Affairs, they were trained as children. Damon’s devotion to the boss should have came from the fact that as a child he was his father figure. He was part of the triad. Not some random hoodlum turned undercover cop. Leo’s character was undercover since a teen being kicked out of the police academy. He was a rat for over 7 years. Seven fucking years. That’s where the mental angst comes. Living in the streets. Living like a low life. Not being able to have friends or family.
And Matt Damon? Why is he so freaking nervous when he’s pulling off his stupid internal ‘cop’ tip offs. Andy Lau’s character in it was smooth. He feeds off other’s emotions. Picks up things that people don’t notice. A real smart charmer. Someone that has his shit together. Someone with no remorse.
One of the most powerful scenes in Infernal Affair was the fact that both trained in the Academy together and one watches the other one get kicked out. Each looks back at each other and says ‘I wish I was him.’
Because that is the basis. We all have choices in life. And the grass is always greener. You face a man that has lived a hoodlum life that could have been YOU. And on the same note, you see a hoodlum that ranks high in the police world, that is supposed to be YOU. You dedicated your whole life to the cause and now it will be erased. And you? You will live in fear that your secret will be discovered. But no worries because you killed them all. If you’re not with me, you’re against me.
The Departed missed all of that. It turned it into some wack ass police drama about rats. W T F. I mean, whatever. Maybe American film makers don’t think their audience can handle anything deeper than a puddle.
And don’t get me started on Mark Wahlberg killing Damon at the end. Is this a freakin comedy? If so, please market it as such and don’t rip off our ideas.
I call it the American Power syndrome or the Redemption effect. They want to watch movies where the bad guy loses. It makes them feel good. They need everything to be explained. No you can’t have a ghost in the house without reason! No demons can exist without a proper backstory! I know! Let’s say the little girl was raped by her stepdad! Yea. Good enough! Oh we can’t have bad guys get away! We can’t lose a war! We can’t have the hero not get a love interest! Explosions! More!
