Love Life, Hate Kittens

No.3 - Tell her she’s naughty

Another fun way to tease a woman in a sexual way is to accuse her of being “naughty” in her everyday activities. For example, if a woman tells you she was just in the shower, ask her how it was. If she gives any positive response, reply with something like: “Nice shower? Interesting. What exactly were you doing in there that made it so nice? I’m curious.”

………please don’t.

For more awesome ‘gems’ - see here.

Best fails of 2009.

via (Geekologie + CollegeHumor.)

and BONUS! Flip Book Super Mario Jesus

So you think kids are growing up too fast? I think they are growing up too awesome.

Hayden Wright of Chattanooga, TN, 4, is my hero.

Little Hayden woke up in wee hours and decided he was thirsty. Not only did he bypass the milk for the cold beer in the fridge but he decides to high tail out of the house and break into the neighbor’s.

Upon seeing the array of awesome presents, he decides to open them and rightfully put on a girl’s dress.

Then he proceeds to take his beer and new dress and walk the streets until police found him. The mother tries to add in a sob story angle by saying that her kid only wanted to get arrested so he can be in jail with his daddy.

Right.

Seriously. What more can you want out of this story?

(via)

“After the boy, in Yibin City, southwest Sichuan Province, had watched the animated TV series, he began to drink gasoline to become a “valiant fighter” like “Optimus Prime,” his father told the newspaper.

“He began to drink gasoline five years ago, when we found he liked smelling lighter fuel,” he said.”

“…….the boy began to steal gasoline from neighbors and was drinking more and more - two or three bottles at a time.

“Since my son started to drink gas, his IQ has dropped sharply and now he can’t figure out simple addition and subtraction,” the father said.

“Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he does not know the answer of 7 plus 17.”“

This is seriously worth the read just for the lols.

OK fine no one cares but it’s still hilarious.

Oh what will the game do without him?

Dance Your Ass Off

The promo disables video embedding but please for the love of god, click on Oxygen link above to watch this trailer. It’s a new show that Oxygen is launching called “Dance Your Ass Off” which is a show with fat people dancing to lose weight. Bwaha!

It really wouldn’t be that funny if it didn’t show a fat girl smashing a whole cake from the fridge in the promo.

I’m going to hell.

[thanks jenni and fox news for the lols! follow her twitter!]

1     8     Oral sex
2     1337     Elite
3     143     I love you
4     182     I hate you
5     459     I love you
6     1174     Nude club
7     420     Marijuana
8     ADR     Address
9     ASL     Age/Sex/Location
10     Banana     Penis
11     CD9 or Code 9     Parents are around
12     DUM     Do You Masturbate?
13     DUSL     Do You Scream Loud?
14     FB     F*** Buddy
15      Whoa Fox .. .Where’s #15?!     
16     FMLTWIA     F*** Me Like The Whore I Am
17     FOL     Fond of Leather
18     GNOC     Get Naked On Cam
19     GYPO     Get Your Pants Off
20     IAYM     I Am Your Master
21     IF/IB     In the Front or In the Back
22     IIT     Is It Tight?
23     ILF/MD     I Love Female/Male Dominance
24     IMEZRU     I Am Easy, Are You?
25     IWSN     I Want Sex Now
26     J/O     Jerking Off
27     KFY or K4Y     Kiss For You
28     Kitty     Vagina
29     KPC     Keeping Parents Clueless
30     MorF     Male or Female
31     LMIRL     Let’s Meet In Real Life
32     MOOS     Member Of The Opposite Sex
33     WYCM     Will You Call Me?
34     MOS     Mom Over Shoulder
35     MPFB     My Personal F*** Buddy
36     NALOPKT     Not A Lot Of People Know That
37     NIFOC     Nude In Front Of The Computer
38     NMU     Not Much, You?
39     P911     Parent Alert
40     PAL     Parents Are Listening
41     PAW     Parents Are Watching
42     PIR     Parent In Room
43     POS     Parent Over Shoulder or Piece Of Sh**
44     PRON     Porn
45     Q2C     Quick To Cum
46     RU/18     Are You Over 18?
47     RUH     Are You Horny?
48     S2R     Send To Receive
49     SorG     Straight or Gay
50     TDTM     Talk Dirty To Me

Word.

I have no idea if this is a hoax but I’m pretty dumb like these bitches and I’ll take the subtitles at face value.

Miss Panama FTW.