Love Life, Hate Kittens

It is but a pair of black chuck taylors
She looked at me with anger and said come outside
He loves you she says
You owe him an explanation.

I am but a sixteen year old girl
Thinking I understand the world.
I’m snapping my gum in her face.
Telling her you’ll never understand
Not knowing that I barely understand

She hates me I know it
But in my mind who is she
Thanks for being my messenger
I’m weak faking strong
“I can hate you but you’re stronger” she says
“In his mind”

I tell her drop it off at the door
Drop off his pain
Drop off his love
I’ll sort through it when I get a chance

The black chuck taylors.
Last gift from him
He knew a size three was so hard to find
I wish I could have told him, “that’s the sweetest thing you have done for me”
But like many things
Too late

Five years later, a new He picks up those chuck taylors
Do you want them? I ask him
To paint he says
I say go ahead. I hardly wear those anymore
It’s nothing but a patch of high school

They live in the closet with the other chuck taylors
The others without a past
The others that live oblivious
I can live without knowing
That they were those chuck taylors

Less than twenty four hours, he shows me my new chuck taylors
Now mingled with reds, yellows, and a dash of blue
On his tongue was sunshine, in the heart I love you
I wish I could have told him, “that’s the sweetest thing you have done for me”

But

I smiled and hardly wore them again
Because it is not in my character
I am but a twenty two year old
That thinks she understands the world

Now the shoes lay in the back of my trunk
A reminder of the has beens
A reminder of our fights
The “give it backs” and “fine-take-its”
A reminder that I never cared about anyone but myself

Last night I remembered
I wish I was my old black chuck taylors