Show me what you got. Top Chef @ Craft / S05E02 Recap.
[Fabio, Jamie, Carla respectively via Bravo]
Well, with cute ass Patrick gone last week, Team Rainbow is down a gay.
But… Fabio and Stefan are still going strong as the Euro Duo. Each one believes that the other is their strongest competition. I think they’re right. It’d be pretty awesome [albeit a bit predictable] if those two are in the final three together. In fact, yes I’m calling it. Yes I’m aware the sky is blue and fire is hot.
Judging from previews and tell-tale hugs, Leah and Hosea seem to be developing a fast ummm…friendship.
Carla still looks like Sideshow Bob and hella hyper.
Ariane still can’t cook.
OK with my girly gossip out of the way, on to the food.
The Quickfire challenge of this week is like a freakin’ god send. A hot dog competition. OMG. I love hotdogs. Like love. Like I browse the hot dogs aisle at Ralph’s like I shop for clothes. I can eat hot dogs all day. [no whore]
Anyway, they have to challenge Angelina D’Angelo the famous hot dog vendor in Queens and reinvent a hot dog that is tastier than hers.
Some people try and do too much [or not enough] with their hot dogs [yes I’m talking to you Jill] – wrapping it in rice paper, wrapping it in pita bread, grilling some onions on it. Points off for lack of creativity.
On the other side of the board, Radhika does great with her Indian inspired hot dog [go figure.] Top Chef loves it when the contestants show their ‘personality’ through their cooking aka cook something ethnic biatch. Fabio does great too with his Mediterranean inspired panini. In the end, Radhika takes it and wins immunity. Lucky her because…
You think you got what it takes? This week’s elimination challenge is opening for Colicchio’s Craft restaurant spinning their take on New American cuisine. They are each responsible for one dish but will have to divide amongst themselves who will handle appetizers, entrees, and dessert. Immediately they panic like crazy hookers until Jeffrey says stfu and divides them equally like children.
Appetizers (Fabio, Hosea, Jamie, Melissa, Leah)
Entrees (Alex, Eugene, Jeff, Jill, Stefan),
Desserts (Ariane, Carla, Daniel, Radhika, Richard)
They get $2500 [?] among them to go to Whole Foods to pick up their ingredients. Based on the obvious editing, we know Hosea and Jill are in trouble. Hosea is making a chilled crab salad but is unable to find fresh crab. Instead of maybe you know…MAKING ANOTHER DISH, he decides that the judges on Top Chef will suddenly develop a fetish for canned crab.
Jill sees an ostrich egg and it’s love at first sight. This can only end badly. :-/
Everyone else seems to know what the fuck they are doing and off they go in the kitchen. Not only are they opening for Craft but they have the added pressure of cooking for the chefs that did NOT make it on the show [who turn out to be pretty all right aside from some obvious dudes that were totally over acting]. Yes, let me get the lump crab with a side of hate.
Ariane [the undercooked grains lady from last ep] is freakin out in the kitchen making everyone taste her lemon martini [no. lemon martini does not stand for anything sexual. Pervs.] They all lie and tell her it tastes fine when in fact all of them thought it was horribly sweet. Oh how I love this game.
Tom helps the chefs get their orders in and everything went successfully according to him as far as the kitchen goes. The dishes? A vast disappointment.
[Since there are still so many chefs, it was hard for the judges to give any dish more than one line of commentary if that. As your lovely recapper, I’m lazy and I’ll only focus on judge’s favorites/non-favorites. If you must know, a PB&J, grilled avocado, pound cake was also made. Not exciting.]
Jamie [Chilled sweet corn soup with chili oil and mint] – Jamie was pretty confident about her dish and rightfully so. Both Gail and Padma loved it and said that it had good texture and taste like ‘pure corn.’ Perfect lunch dish.
Carla [Rustic apple tart with ginger peach tea, apple cider reduction, and cheddar cheese] – Even though Carla was a bit worried about her crust in the kitchen, all the judges loved the crust and just thought that she could have incorporated the cheddar cheese better into the dish rather than tossing it on the side. I think this was a fluke as the judges hated all the other desserts but whatevs.
Fabio [Beef Carpaccio with Arugula, Roasted Pine Nuts, Aged Parmesan Cheese, Spherical Kalamata Olives and Aged Balsamic Vinegar] – Fabio! He got a little nervous during judging and started defending his dish stating that he used the best filet mignon [ballin’!] and this was a favorite at his restaurant Café Firenze. Turns out the judges loved the dish and really commended him for his olive cooking technique where he liquefied the inside but kept the outside hard. Hmmm. Sounds interesting.
Fabio is declared the winner and he’s happy cuz now he’s neck and neck with Stephan. Go team!
Now for the wackness…
Hosea [Chilled crab with citrus vanilla dressing, mango and avocado] – We knew it. He shoulda knew it being the self proclaimed “seafood expert.” Canned crab? Really? And he had the nerve to say, “I’ll season it.” OK Rachel Ray.
Jill [Ostrich Egg Quiche with Rice-Pecan Crust, Grilled Maitake Mushroom and Asparagus with aged Gruyere and Fontina Cheeses, and Maitake Cream] – Jill took a ballin’ ass egg and made a quiche. Yes it’s equivalent to taking a dinosaur egg and making an omelette. Not boss. Not creative. Not to mention it ‘tasted like glue’. Ouch. When questioned about her choices and how she’ll make it better next week, Jill came up with the best/worst excuse ever along the lines of answering but not answering the question. “I just.. uh…didn’t umm…execute it. So next week..I uhhh. …will….execute it. Maybe… Umm..what was the question again?”
Ariane [Lemon meringue martini with vanilla cookie crunch and cherry surprise] – Ummm. It is exactly how you read it. A sundae glass with cherries on the bottom, a vanilla cookie, and lemon meringue on top. Wait. Let’s change that to sickeningly sweet lemon meringue on top. So bad that Padma had to spit it out. At this point, I’m embarrassed FOR her. She claims this is an old favorite and she serves it daily in her restaurant. Restaurant. Fail.
Jill gets sent home because she can’t cook and sucks at communication. Ariane cries like a maniac because…..she is still here? The sugar is eating her brain? Who knows.
Next week: Foo Fighters + Thanksgiving = Love.
