Just put down your pride and act constructively. It’s so much easier than it sounds.
But I did it.
So we got into this pseudo fight at a party on Saturday. I mean, seriously. I was trying my best not to flip out. He really treats me pretty crappy when we’re with his friends. And honestly I semi-understand that. We both agreed to keep this from people. We know what we chose. But come on. It doesn’t give you an excuse to treat people like crap. I mean, us not being together doesn’t equate to treat me like a 3rd wheel. Especially given that I didn’t know anyone else there. I mean, I could do what I usually do and drink myself to oblivion and get some random boy to distract me but no…he already pre designated me to be the DD. Plus I decided since last time that it was hella rude. [I’m so mature. Not.] Just because he’s disrespectful doesn’t give me a free pass to disrespect him. Fuck. So being sober and increasingly pissed off is not fun.
But it got so bad to the point where I just needed air. I needed to breathe and not prison shank him. But I also know that if I left then I just took it to a different level. I refuse break the spell. So I didn’t. I had to choose between the short term satisfaction now and what I really want for us in the morning. Reminded me of a scene from The Break Up:
[after kicking Vince Vaughn off the bowling team]
Jenn Aniston: I got him exactly where I want him.
Friend: Where? Shirtless in the parking lot?
I just wanted him to understand. For once I feel used. I feel tired. and I never felt that way before about him. Everything I do is without pretenses. Like family, I don’t even think twice. Strangely enough, doing these things make ME happy. Silly right? I must have hit my head somewhere along these months.
So it’s like something clicked. It doesn’t matter if he never notices. I’m not doing it for credit. No more complaining and thinking How can you treat everyone else so well.
Saying that he treats me like crap is a disservice to him. He’s never been intentionally selfish. Ever.
I guess I can’t complain.
