So my sister has to write a letter to her future roommate today and I wrote it for her.
like ALL her english assignments (hi j!)
Dear Future Roommate,
I wonder if you’re the type to read this rigth away or maybe keep it in your desk for a few weeks until one day you get bored and casually skim this over while you’re eating cheetos. On a second thought, I really hope you don’t eat cheetos because that would be very Britney Spears of you. No, I don’t mean white trash. I just mean uhhh. hypersexual grape soda drinking lard who walks around in cut offs and flip flops. I do mean that in the nicest way.
I guess you might want to know a little bit about me. Well, don’t worry. There’s really nothing about me that should worry you. I’m pretty much perfect. Like Jesus. Do you like Jesus? Because I kinda don’t and I was hoping I wouldn’t have to walk into any crucifixes in the middle of the night. Anywho, since we’re going to be future roommates I hope you respect the following:
- don’t eat my food
- don’t touch my clothes
- don’t sit on my bed
- don’t borrow my cds and/or ipod.
- what’s mine is not yours.
Simple right? I really hope you’re smart because I’m pretty bad at English and in fact, my sister is writing this for me RIGHT NOW! It may sound a little bitchy as she is a little bitchy. I hope you don’t mind her coming over sometimes because she really likes young guys. I mean, really. I hope you don’t have a boyfriend because she’ll probably sleep with him.
Anyway, I hope you’re excited! Our first year in college! Away from the parents! I can’t wait to booze it up everynight and call you 102931293 times on your cell phone so you can pick me up at Del Taco or let me in the dorms.
Xoxo,
Your bestest roommate ever.
PS. I am emo. Hope that’s not an issue.
