WTF Michael Bay. WTF Transformers franchise.
Before you point out everything wrong with my planned night. Don’t tell me. I already know.
#1. Watching a movie at Universal Citywalk is equivalent to .. say getting herpes. I know.
#2. Going to a 10:30 IMAX Screening of Transformers 2 at 10:27 and expecting decent seating is retarded. I know.
#3. Expecting a good summer blockbuster. HEY now. I take complete offense to that.
I went in with zero expectations. I enjoy action movies. Hell, I LOVE Van Damme movies and you KNOW how retarded the plotlines are. I thought the first Transformers was kinda slow but enjoyable. I enjoy nice fun campy summer movies like Star Trek. So what went wrong?
I have never been so disgusted and sad after watching a movie. Not even Push which was equally retarded but at least I was pissed off and not sad. In fact, I felt like I got kissed by a dementor (Harry Potter reference. Look it up) and wanted to rock back and forth in a fetal position.
Usually I would summarize the plot but I can’t, so I’ll go Negative Nelly and point out everything that is wrong with the movie aside from the fact that they don’t know whether to gear this toward 10 year olds or 25 year olds.
Lame LOLS: A 20 minute sequence of Shia’s mom getting high off weed brownies? Another 20 minutes of the mom acting like a bimbo? Another 30 minutes about how his roommate is a wuss and a pussy? We get it. And really? Dogs humping? Megan Fox falling from the sky on someone’s crotch? “Hip” robots? “Old man” robot? WTF.
Dialogue: Why did they try and make every single line ‘epic’? Every three minutes Shia or someone else would say something corny and *cough* meaningful like, “THIS IS NOT MY WAR.” *cue slow mo shot* *cue rising orchestra music*.
Chemistry: Um. “NOOOO Shia don’t die!” “Oh son, we’ll never leave you!” It doesn’t matter if it was a Shia death scene or a Megan/Shia fight. It’s non believable. No one cared about each other in the movie. I didn’t believe the parents cared about Shia and I damn sure didn’t believe the romantic pairing between Shia and Megan.
WTFMoments: The afterlife “Elder Primes” scene? Oh really? Now God is a robot that have powers to grant life? And WTF at Isabel Lucas’s character. You have to send a teenage girl against Shia really? To seduce him? Why couldn’t she smashed on him in the car or just slice his head off. Jesus.
WTFAction: Sure. I can overlook plot holes. Who cares. But the action scenes? Way too close cropped! All I could see was screws swirling, lots of parts moving… why don’t you pan out and let us see the robots transforming or at least show us whose fighting who.
Lame.
